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My friend Griff has become an expert on winning radio contests and giveaways.

• You know the kind I mean, right? The radio DJ will say “okay, the 15th caller wins free tickets to the show!” and then everyone scrambles to call in fast enough.

I always thought these things were totally random, and there was no way to become skilled at winning. I was wrong, because Griff has tricks that help him win. Multiple phones, radio stations on speed dial, and a series of fake names to use when collecting multiple prizes. He isn’t allowed to win under his own name anymore! That is why when he won a gift certificate for an HVAC company he gave them my name instead of his own. It was not transferable, which means I now had 500 dollars credit with an HVAC supply shop. I was psyched at first, but then I realized that in the world of HVAC five hundred dollars is not that much. New air conditioners cost thousands of dollars, and even the cheap window-mounted units cost several hundred. I decided to buy the nicest dehumidifier and air purifier they had, which took most of my prize money. Since I had to spend it all, or lose it, I put the rest of the money towards a multipack of air filters. Air filters don’t go bad, so I bought two or three years worth of them. Now I have enhanced air quality in my home, and I won’t have to worry about buying air filters for a long time. Thanks Griff!

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I knew that if I didn’t do my job well she would complain to the HVAC contractor about me

After having a bad breakup, having the upper hand is important to some people. I know it was important to Jade. She was the one who dumped me, and then the one who came crawling back. It was the worst breakup of my life, and I was emotionally devastated for weeks. When she tried to get me back, I was just starting to get over her and wasn’t interested in going backwards with my life. I held my ground, kept away from her, and started putting in extra shifts with the local HVAC contractor. One day Jade’s name showed up on my list of work orders, and she called in requesting an HVAC inspection and tune-up. I really did not want to face her, but all the other HVAC techs were booked solid, so I had no choice. I will say that it was the hardest HVAC inspection of my entire career. Jade had a new boyfriend, and the real purpose of my HVAC inspection was for her to torment me. She was so lovey-dovey with this guy, and even though I was digging through ductwork and checking fuses, she was trying to upset me. I always strive for professionalism so I ignored her as best I could and focused on doing a top-quality HVAC inspection and tune-up for her. I knew that if I didn’t do my job well she would complain to the HVAC contractor about me. It took about two hours, and I was in mental anguish the whole time, but finally I finished her HVAC work, gave her the invoice and left, never to see her again.

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It took me twenty years, but finally I got the chance to operate a robot at work! This has been a long time coming, because ever since I was young I have been obsessed with robots and sci-fi technology.

I read a lot of comic books back then, and watched a lot of cartoons, and my imagination was always captivated by stories involving futuristic technology.

I would even draw pictures and blueprints for robots I wanted to make one day. Eventually my passion for tech led me into the HVAC industry, but that was by default. HVAC tech is evolving at a breakneck pace, and has been for 20 years, so even though they don’t use robots or lasers it is still pretty interesting. Well, after 10 years in the business I finally got my chance to play with a next-gen kind of toy, when I used a drone to explore the ductwork of an abandoned building. The job was to remove all the old ductwork from an abandoned office building. This place was 15 stories tall, and there was a literal maze of air ducts inside it. It would have taken a crew of HVAC techs an entire week just to evaluate everything, but with my drone skills I was able to map it out in just one day. By piloting the drone through the ductwork I could get footage so the other techs knew where all the trouble zones were located. I really hope we get more big jobs like this, because using this drone is the most fun I’ve ever had doing HVAC work.

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These air conditioners are great for cooling down one room, but simply don’t have the power to cool the whole house

My wife and I have four kids. I work 60 hours a week to make money, and Jade works twice that many hours keeping house and minding the children. The economy is terrible right now, and we could surely use a new revenue stream for our family, but it’s simply impossible. The amount of money we would have to spend on childcare would be more than the money Jade could make at a job. I pick up all the extra hours I can, but it never seems to be enough. We could really use some extra money, because the central HVAC system is on its last legs, and currently we can’t afford a replacement. We had a bit of a lucky break last week when Jade won a radio contest with the grand prize of a new air conditioner. We were so excited at first, because we thought it meant we could replace our faulty central HVAC system, but that was not the case. It turns out the grand prize was a small, window-mounted air conditioner, which was still a good prize, just not what we needed. Looking a gift horse in the mouth is never a good idea, so we picked up the air conditioner and I installed it in our living room that very night. These air conditioners are great for cooling down one room, but simply don’t have the power to cool the whole house. At least we have one room with perfect climate control while I keep saving money to repair the system, which is better than nothing.

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My friends and I didn’t build the treehouse, we just found it.

It had been sitting empty for so long it was almost entirely covered in thick green vines.

At the time I estimated it as being at least 20 years old, a hand-made treehouse fifteen feet off the ground. For being that old it was still remarkably sturdy, and there were only a few small changes we needed to make. At the time I was 15, and for all my friends this was the holy grail of hang out spots. We could chill here, completely hidden, and do whatever we wanted. In the summer that was a problem, because we really needed air conditioning to fight off the oppressive and dangerous heat waves. A kid named Paul found an old window-mounted style of air conditioner in his dad’s garage, and said we could use it. This was the perfect size for our treehouse, and would provide all the cooling we would ever need… if we could get it to run. The air conditioner was still in the original box, so it would definitely work if we could plug it in. This did not occur to us until we had lugged that heavy A/C unit all the way out into the woods and lifted it up into the tree house. Of course there was no power source up here, so how the heck could we use the air conditioner? We started stealing every extension cord we could find, and ran 200 yards worth of cords from my house up to the A/C in the tree house.

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At work we were exchanging stories about our crazy exes.

Everyone has a story about someone they dated (or married) who wound up being completely nuts.

I was the one who got this conversation started, because Bonny and I just broke up, and now I’m seeing just how insane she really is. Bonny and I didn’t even date for very long, just a few weeks, so when she started talking about kids and marriage I ended it. One day I will have kids, but the fact that she was pushing for it after 1 month together was a red flag. The other guys at the HVAC dealership all had stories to match up with mine… and then Bonny raised the stakes. She actually called the HVAC dealership with a work order, claiming she needed a service call, and requested that I come to her house. I jokingly told the other HVAC techs that if I didn’t check in after an hour they should call the police. I was not surprised that Bonny had tried this sort of thing, but I was surprised that she had gone so far as to damage her air conditioner. She didn’t want to admit that she wanted to talk to me, she pretended that it was a legit HVAC emergency. Then I saw that the thermostat had been ripped off the wall and smashed on the ground. I had a dozen other thermostats in the work van, so I quickly replaced the damaged one and got out of there before she could go crazy on me.

Electric heating system

Ten years ago my friends and I did something stupid and crazy and almost went to jail over it.

That close call is what forced me to change my life.

We had stolen a few things in order to sell them and pocket a little money. When I realized how close I came to ending up in jail, I made a change in my behavior. Because enough time has passed I can finally talk about it in public. I have long wanted to confess, but needed to wait until the statute of limitations had expired, so that I couldn’t be charged with a crime for stealing those air conditioners. The more we stole things, the more audacious our crimes became, culminating in stealing a moving van filled with HVAC equipment. At the time we didn’t know how much all these heaters and air conditioners were worth, we just knew the truck was full to capacity. We hotwired the truck and drove it to a junkyard outside of town where we could spend some time going through the HVAC equipment we stole and take an inventory. Using a laptop computer we did research on what we had, and what the resale value was, and found that we had well over twenty thousand dollars worth of HVAC equipment. It was out biggest score ever, and we were all high-fiving each other when the police showed up. It turns out the HVAC contractor got us on camera stealing his truck, and called the police immediately. We all scrambled and ran away, and luckily none of us got caught.

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We decided to get a nice little dehumidifier, hoping that it would work in concert with our climate control system and improve the overall air quality

Once every few weeks I take my wife Jen out on a date night excursion to the bar for some karaoke. The bar hosts a karaoke night once a week, but we can’t get out to party that often. Whenever we can make it, we both take turns singing, we have a lot of drinks, and we try to make the most of our time out. Having three kids makes it difficult to relax and have fun sometimes, and karaoke is always a welcome respite from the stress of parenthood. Last time we went Jen won a prize! We hoped it would be cash, but it was a gift certificate for a local HVAC supply shop. A prize is a prize, so the next day we went to visit the HVAC shop and see what they had for us to choose from. The gift certificate was for $200, which does not go very far in a professional HVAC supply shop! A central HVAC system starts around five thousand bucks, and if you want something like radiant heated floors you better have a lot of money in the bank! For the amount we had to spend our options were limited to space heaters, air purifiers, and dehumidifiers. We decided to get a nice little dehumidifier, hoping that it would work in concert with our climate control system and improve the overall air quality. It wouldn’t affect the temps of the house, of course, but we hoped that by lowering the level of moisture in the air the dehumidifier would enhance the indoor air quality and make it feel more comfortable.

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After I absolutely retired, I began to spend some time outside in the front yard.

I had previously been paying a landscaping company, but I knew I could handle all of the work on my own.

I got rid of the purple keeping crew and had time to beautify the property on my own. One of the first things that I did was hang up a trellis near the house. I then planted some of the best growing vines that could take the framework in just a couple of days. It became a problem when I had to beautify the rest of the property. The exterior components of the heating and AC unit stuck out badly after I finished with everything else. It seemed like we were going to need to have some problems cared for before we could do anything else. What actually happened was something different. The heating, ventilation and AC system has a metal housing outside that looks awful. It is a dark green color and sticks out like a total eyesore. I was completely down for getting rid of the machine but we found out there was no way to do that. Our actual and only option was to get a cover to hide the way that it looks. Instead of buying a cover, the two of us absolutely decided to paint flowers on the outside of the machine. I painted the exterior with lots of pretty flowers and then I planted some real flowers near the heating, ventilation and AC housing. Now things look a lot better than they did in the past.
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I visited my grandparents in the midwest frequently during the summer seasons when I was not in school.

• It gave myself an addition to others a very bizarre perspective on the way that the world works.

We saw people living away from the city and that was something different. The people I was Within Myself always like to play in the yard. We would do all kinds of things that seem to be like fun. We would claim the trees and play in the creek and we would make TPS out of sticks that we found in the woods. The people I was with and myself were very happy in our country home where we could enjoy the amenities of being outside in the country. Eventually it was rough to live in that area. My grandparents sold their house and decided to move down south. I took over the house and I knew that I wanted to make sure that I could keep it up the same way that my grandfather did. I was told that I would be in charge of all of the problems. I regularly had a science mind and knew that I could supply the house with the problem and troubleshooting that might be necessary if something happens. My grandparents have a boiler in the basement. The boiler heats the house really well. The boiler uses natural gas. The natural gas boiler is not good to use as an AC system, so my grandparents have to have a couple of window air conditioners that they only use during the days of the summer when temperatures are above 90°.

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